About A Year Ago

The musings of a relatively distressed person, living in the wilderness. All very beautiful on the outside.

Watching Eat Pray Love and contemplating life.

Both unhappy and happy at work. The bosses are so stressful, but the rest is fine. The days are long, very long…

My anxiety is up, I am stressed, panic attacks are almost constantly being kept at bay. When they cease to be kept at bay, I quit!  – Latest finish will be Oct 30th. Five and a half months away. Life is a marathon, not a sprint, I have been sprinting a lot. 

What to do in winter?

How can it be so difficult to ascertain what to do next? I am done with this type of hospitality: longest of long days, angry bosses, stress, pointless pointless spending.  Our customers are the good ones though. They are happy and bright and don’t see the mess being made of this. 

I want to dream and learn and love, and not to snap and snarl and be only some of myself. Do I want to be consumed by my work? Can I find a job that fulfils me and is not my own business? Is it time to find myself in Thailand> maybe I need to leave the world for a while. Will I ever know? 24 seems to be the year of no knowing and finding that stressful. I want to be fine with not knowing and just to accept it. 

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